in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
