It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
