matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
