my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I stole a fireplace last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
