i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
