I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
