he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
