you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He better not be in your backpack
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
