yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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