Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
