so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nutella sex= disaster
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
