I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
