So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
