Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
