She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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