Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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