A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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