Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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