Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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