I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
