question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
