The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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