I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
