The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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