yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
