went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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