If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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