I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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