Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
