drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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