hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
