he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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