i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
