I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
