just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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