Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
