After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
