Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
