When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
