I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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