so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is Oprah even human
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
