I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
