remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
