Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
