Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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