dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
