I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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