So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
