you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
