I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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